So if you’ll remember from my post two weeks ago on Cheating, I had mentioned some on-and-off flirtation between Jared and me that went on last spring. If you’ll recall from that post, I had decided to definitively break off relations with Jared after yet another of his “I still like you / let’s see where this goes” quasi-dating phases, and he had, during said phrase, taken another girl out to dinner was now full-on dating her. Then he cheated on said girl with me.
I saw Jared again after that when he was on a business trip to NYC a few weeks afterward. Annoyed by the constant back-and-forth waltzing, I decided to grant him another ultimatum, this time to make clear the status of our relationship: friends, purely hook-up, or dating.
He asked me whether friends with benefits was an option. I said no.
Well, will you look at that?
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming after these past few perambulatory musings.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. And I suppose you can’t be blamed: The mention of a bed frame on a blog chock full of stories about (mostly) botched hookup attempts, and you can just bet your imagination can run wild with those implications. Well, you can just let your dirty mind wander all you want, but if you’re expecting that kind of a story, let’s just say you’ll probably be disappointed.
A little bit.
Let’s go back to the beginning.
I’ve been in a reflective mood lately, so without ado, here’s another Musing. And today’s topic is: cheating.
Before you jump to any conclusions, yes, I have cheated before, but no, it hasn’t been any time recently, and it most definitely has not been with Boy.
Now, I have some rules and blanket judgments when it comes to the matter of cheating — especially in terms of gauging their future eligibility as a romantic partner now that they boast this blemish on their resumes — that probably won’t come as a surprise to anyone. I’ll outline them here anyway:
- If a person cheats (we’ll call him/her the “cheater”) on a significant other (we’ll call him/her the “cheatee”), it’s on them. So therefore: If A cheats on B, the burden of guilt goes to A. (Think Fred. No question.) At the same time,
- If a person is willing to be the offending paramour (we’ll call him/her the cheat-enabler), they’re obviously just a douchebag.
- If a person has been a cheater, hands down that’s a red flag. Also, they didn’t/don’t truly care for the cheatee.
- If a person is willing to be a cheat-enabler, they clearly have no respect for boundaries. Proceed with caution.
***NOTE: I had previously published this post on 8/14/11, then had second thoughts and, out of respect for Jared, decided to take it down. Now I’ve changed my mind again.***
Jared is the guy I’ve been dating for the last three weeks, even though he lives in the Bay and I’m in Chicago. I called things off with him after a particularly revealing drunk dial from him last night.
I generally don’t have a problem with drunk dialers, especially when they are my boyfriends/boys I am considering as boyfriends, and they’re spending the time they could spend hooking up behind my back thinking of me instead. But this call is so spectacularly inane and aggravating that I’m not terribly at a loss for letting this affair go.
I get the call at 4:30 in the morning, after I’ve come home after my own innocent dalliances out and about with the girls. But whereas I’ve spent my entire evening trying to get rid of a fly, Jared has his excuse to justify entertaining two.