Kenji, the unreliable judge of character

Check out that piercing look for passing judgment and reading your SOUL.

One mistake I’m wont to commit is relying on my dog to gauge the men (boys) I happen to date.

I know, I know, I should know even without writing this and “saying” this aloud that this is probably inane. But you know what they say about dog’s intuition, and about the people dogs decide not to like. It’s supposed to be like they can feel the evil, the unreliableness, the lack of manly stature.

A few points in the Kenji’s defense:

1. He’s great about picking out the pussies of the bunch, and absolutely clarifies his findings by humping their legs furiously. Anyone who can’t even assert authority over a dog, I certainly don’t want to look up to as “lord” and “master.” (Then again, said individuals are almost always white. So maybe this is just racism?)

2. He can separate the memorable ones from the negligibles. The Kenji only had to meet my mother and brother once to remember them immediately even after a year of separation. Meanwhile, there are certain individuals who Kenji never really warms up to and even regards warily. In this, he’s spot on.

But who am I kidding. Because really, the Kenji loves everybody. If a grapist tied my brother and me to the radiator then went upstairs to grape my mother and my father then took us all down to the basement to grape us all for decades and decades (sorry, just watched The Whitest Kids U Know), the Kenji would be there licking the leftover grape juice. Or something.

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